returned from a trip awwwyeah now to replies
This city is so quiet.
“…I see.” Cesare exhaled slowly and entwined his fingers in his lap. Turning his gaze towards the flickering fireplace, he adopted a carefully neutral expression and remained quiet for a time.
He had tried to help Leonardo as best he knew how, he reasoned with himself, but his friend had declined. Surely, there was nothing more he could do now, except give the man the space he seemed to so desperately want at the moment.
“You may go now if you so desire, my friend. I do not wish to keep you.” Cesare tore his gaze from the fire to look upon Leonardo as he spoke in barely more than a whisper. “I do apologize for any undue pain and suffering I may have caused.”
Leonardo knew there was nothing for it. He might as well leave then—but he just couldn’t. He felt guilty at Cesare’s words and he shook his head.
"Please do not… I—brought it upon myself," He cleared his throat and licked his dry lips. "Shouldn’t have been in the way." Before Cesare could say anything, he cleared his throat weakly.
"If you really wish to give me a present for my birthday, then…there is one other thing." Looking down at his hands, he felt his shoulders droop and the last bit of his energy seemed to be wiped away. "I cannot bear to go back to that workshop. I can’t—can’t bear it. Not now."
“It’s not a disturbance, my friend.” Cesare smiled kindly in the hopes of easing some of Leonardo’s pain. “Your presence never is.” What could he do? It hurt him to see his only friend besides Micheletto in such obvious agony, but what was there to do when he was the source of it?
He sat quietly for a moment, placing his thumb to his lips as he collected his thoughts. His mouth opened to speak, brow slightly furrowed, but he closed it again as the right words became difficult to conjure forth. Suddenly, he remembered something of great importance, and the revelation caused him to lean towards Leonardo slightly as he finally spoke.
“Leonardo…it’s your birthday, is it not? Please, allow me to offer you a sort of wish, if you will. Tell me anything you want. Anything at all. And I’ll do my best to get it or make it happen.”
Cesare looked at the other man earnestly and with a little bit of hope in his eyes. Perhaps he could help Leonardo in this way? He was almost certain his friend would not ask for his aid outright, but maybe this way he could get what he needed without having to do so.
At this, Leonardo looked up at the other. He couldn’t recall the last time someone remembered his birthday. Or he could…but that was such a long time ago. It stirred something within him—like a memory—and Leonardo’s lips flicked the faintest of smiles.
"It is," he nodded. "And I thank you for remembering, but at the moment, I only have one wish." His throat seemed to seize up and he swallowed thickly. "And surely you cannot grant it." He rubbed his knees and focused most of his energy into holding back his tears. Breathing in deeply, he could not meet Cesare’s eyes again. Not yet. It was too painful for him and he would rather not make the situation worse than it already was.
"Thank you anyway." He said quietly though he wasn’t sure if he meant it. It hurt him to feel so bitter toward Cesare, his friend. But at the same time, how could he not? This was the man who had Micheletto’s heart all along, a fact that he should have known already and yet refused to accept. There was no room for it—Micheletto made it near impossible with his glances and intimacy, promising words of loyalty and trust. Even when he wanted to doubt him, he could not.
But if he only had, maybe this would be easier. Maybe Leonardo would have been able to let go and let them be happy at the expense of his happiness. Maybe Micheletto never would have left. Leonardo sat with these thoughts clouding his mind. He couldn’t stand—only sit quietly, pensively, in quiet anguish.
i said my hiatus would be over around May 2nd-ish. I’m so sorry sdajglg I got a new job ;u; and then my puppy was put down Saturday morning so I’ve been a wreck and sasdgsjgl
I start summer classes tomorrow but I’ll be making more time for rp when I can. if you really wanna rp, you should add me on skype since I’m usually on mobile and less so on my laptop. my skype is il-rinascimento just like my url
okay no more excuses ;u; I’ll get to replies asap! thanks guys i missed all of you <3333
Going on hiatus ;u; this semester is kicking my ass dsjlagjdsg
HOWEVER I’m almost done! Finals should be finished by May 2nd (leo’s death day SOB) so I’ll be around then!
in the meantime I’ll be on skype c: <3333
“The keyword there is ‘if’, Leonardo.” Cesare sighed and lifted a hand to rub at his temple, suddenly tired, and overall worried about his friend’s health. “I do not know if he will return or for what purpose. Neither do you, I’m afraid. However, I do know that this conversation is weighing heavily upon you. Most likely more so then myself. If you wish to go, and end this talk for good, then I will not judge you or blame you.”
He did not look up; in fact, he barely moved. His face still pressed to his hands, Leonardo couldn’t bring himself to. It was embarrassing to be seen like this, humiliating. But his despair was making it difficult to calm and the same recurring thoughts came to him. How could he have allowed himself to hope that things would be different? Hadn’t he learned anything from experience?
Yes. Experience told him this would happen again. And no doubt it will happen again and again and again. What was the use? He was wasting his time, his precious hours on a thought, a dream, when he should have been completing the work that would bring him completion.
But even that was no consolation and Leonardo could only wipe his eyes and sit up straight when he was calm enough.
"I’m sorry," he said softly. "I’m sorry for disturbing you." He thought to stand but he did not. He could not. It would be much better to stay here and be subjected to humiliation than to return to his workshop alone.